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5 Signs That Indicate You May Need to Quit THE Ministry

From dnpstudio.com

As I approach my eighth year at Main Street I have often wondered if there was a proven system of questions that I could ask myself that would help me understand that it was time to leave the ministry. Let’s parse this a little…I am not talking about leaving “A” ministry where you switch churches because God…<cough-cough> “the money”…called you there but I am talking about completely leaving paid full-time work. I think most ministers going through seasons where he or she considers leaving full-time work but how do you know? Well, based on some books I have read and conversations I have had with other ministers these are 5 signs that indicate you may need to quit THE ministry.

  • What once gave you joy, now sucks the life out of you. 

I remember a particular season in my ministry where every time I had an activity it gave me passion, joy and fulfillment. Then I went through a rough patch where every meeting felt like a task. Every time I wrote a bulletin article, answered the phone and every time someone e-mailed me it became tiresome and the thing that used to give me energy now sucks the life out of me. even reading Scripture became more of a job than a spiritual discipline. I hated it.

  • You start to look for reasons to leave saying, “If ___________ happens (or doesn’t happen) then I am leaving.” 

Call this, fuel to the fire. Just like money grows on compound interest so does anger on compound opposition. For example, spilled milk might not be a big issue but when you have to get the car fixed, you are late on three deadlines and there is no money in the bank then coming home to spilled milk might be your breaking point. Say you are frustrated about ministry and you are thinking about leaving and then you have a parent who did not like a recent youth activity you did. That’s all the ammo you needed.

  • Your family laments the fact that your in ministry. 

“If daddy wasn’t working on Sundays maybe our family would grow closer.” From an angry wife: “It seems that all you do is come home frustrated with all of these problems that occur at the church. to make matters worse you are always gone visiting that person, or going to this person’s ball game, or whatever. Then when we finally get a weekend to spend time with each other you have to go preach a funeral. I wish you cared as much about this family as you do about your stupid ministry!” Words of anger from a couple who have long extended their stay in ministry. Need I say more?

  • You are afraid to do anything else because of the money.

I get this. You have a bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies and a Master’s of Ministry and that means 97% of the corporate world could care less. The thought of quitting ministry scares you because 1) the financial climate makes jobs extremely competitive and 2) what could you honestly do anyways? You could get a graduate degree in something else but you don’t have the time or money for that so right now you are a little scared to leave which may be a sign that you need to leave.

And finally…

  • You have become angry, cynical and disillusioned with God (at God?) and the church.

Lillian Hellman once said, “Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.” I am not sure I buy that but I do believe cynicism is unhealthy. The moment we get to the point where God becomes an object instead of the subject then we need to run for the hills…as fast as we can.

I don’t want to leave without offering you some hope though before you quit…

  1. Get help! Talk to a counselor, a minister or a strong Christian. Shoot…talk to all three. This may be a deeply embedded issue that was triggered by ministry and ministry might not be the cause of it.
  2. Take a sabbatical before you take off. I would imagine any eldership would understand the need for their minister to recharge for a month or a couple of months if you have worked there 5+ years. Any eldership that says no needs a gut check.
  3. Involve others in your work. Don’t do all of this yourself.
  4. Spend some time with your family.
  5. Don’t be afraid to leave. Jesus said, “Consider the lilies.” Not easy to do when you have bills and such but sometimes, as the quote goes, “stumbling may actually keep you from falling.”

Youth Ministry Discipline

I take a pause from the DOR series to ask a few questions I hope some of my youth ministry friends can answer. All of it stems around the idea of discipline. Quickly, hopefully even a cursory reading of Scripture leads you to a conclusion that from the standpoint of discipline, God is for it. Consider this brief example (one could make an argument that most of the prophetic literature is about God’s discipline of his people for their wayward idolatry):

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject tothe Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7-11).

Now I wonder about our youth ministry programs. According to the Hebrew author the discipline is not to punish us but to restore us. It is for our good. He says that all have participated in discipline and thus it is a universal human experience (think parenting, think self-discipline, on and on). So how does this play out in our youth ministries? I dare say that most of us want to shy away from this subject as if it is a nasty bit of cancer. We, as youth ministers, have to put up with a lot and sometimes we are quick to please people. I am guilty of this myself. Sometimes we become afraid of certain parents (someone who is in leadership) and we refuse to discipline their children for fear of what they might say.

As a parent my goal is to make sure my children 1) Have fun, 2) are respectful, 3) they change the world and last and most importantly they, 4) glorify God. Anything less than that is unacceptable. I had a conversation years ago with a parent one time and they became concerned that I was thinking about not letting their child attend youth activities because of their persistent disruptive behavior (months). The parent thought what I was doing was not a good idea because we should “never refuse a child from attending an activity.”

So here you go?

  • What types of policies do you have about discipline in your ministry?
  • Is it right to refuse a youth group student to attend an activity based on certain patterns of behavior?
  • How do you typically address this with parents? I.e., what are your methods of communication?
  • How do you address a student who is doing things you see on Facebook (or other social networking sites) that is not God-honoring but there seems to be no issue with the parents or students and your repeated attempts of help are either refused or ignored?

Doctrine of Retribution – Part 2 (Its Ramifications)

To start I want to be biblical about this and say at the front that the doctrine of retribution (DOR for now on) is something that DID occur in Scripture.  Remember Deuteronomy 28 where Moses relays all of the blessings and curses for obedience and disobedience?

“And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth” (Deut. 28:1).

“But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you” (28:15).

That sounds a little like the DOR to me. Do good and be good and you will get rewarded but do evil and a nasty curse will come over you and moreover all that is among you will be destroyed. Sheesh! Look at the monarchy and the blessings and curses motif plays out to a tee as the more Israel steeps into idolatry the more their nation is turned into ruins culminating with captivity and displacement.

Yet, the idea of DOR seems to change when Christ comes. We assume (so did the Jews) that the Messiah would come and eradicate other nations and sit on his throne and rule from Zion as the king forever. Only, that’s not what the Messiah did. If there was ever a person who should reap the benefits of a doctrine like the DOR then it should have been Jesus. Only, the more good he did, the less blessed (we will define blessings later) he became. More on this in another post.

I want to look at some ramification if we believe in the DOR motif. I would first like to point out one major ramification in that I wonder if we really believe that certain things are punished now when so much evil goes unpunished. Or when good people get cancer and we wonder if the DOR could even be possible when things like this happen. There are many examples of the doctrine of retribution being played out but what came to mind was all of the religious leaders who claimed Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Consider all that was said (from a Wikipedia article entitled “Hurricane Katrina as Divine Retribution”)

  • New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is said to have asserted in a speech on January 16, 2006, addressing the effects of Hurricane Katrina, “Surely God is mad at America”.
  • Ovadia Yosef, a prominent ultra-Orthodox Israeli rabbi, declared that Hurricane Katrina to be “God’s punishment for President Bush’s support of the August 2005 withdrawal of Jewish settlers from the Gaza strip”.[1] He added that black people died because they did not study the Torah:

    There was a tsunami and there are terrible natural disasters, because there isn’t enough Torah study… Black people reside there [New Orleans]. Blacks will study the Torah? [God said], Let’s bring a tsunami and drown them… Hundreds of thousands remained homeless. Tens of thousands have been killed. All of this because they have no God… Bush was behind the [expulsion of] Gush Katif, he encouraged Sharon to expel Gush Katif… We had 15,000 people expelled here [in Israel], and there [in America] 150,000 [were expelled]. It was God’s retribution. God does not short-change anyone.

  • Evangelical Jack Chick produced a chick tract entitled Somebody Angry? which also explained the hurricane as a sign of God’s wrath over US pressure on Israel.
  • Minister Louis Farrakhan asserted that Hurricane Katrina was “God’s way of punishing America for its warmongering and racism”.[1]Said Farrakhan, “Maybe God ain’t pleased. Maybe this caste system that pits us against each other has to be destroyed and something new and better put in its place.”
  • Less than two weeks after the Hurricane, Pat Robertson implied on the September 12th broadcast of The 700 Club that the Hurricane was God’s punishment in response to America’s abortion policy. He suggested that 9/11 and the disaster in New Orleans “could… be connected in some way.”

What’s the problem with all of this? We have no clue that this was the work of God. Furthermore why can’t we say that natural disasters occur and New Orleans is in the path of possibilities for hurricanes. If I move out to San Francisco and an earthquake of a 10.9 on the Richter Scale occurs and thousands of people die I don’t blame God. I moved out there knowing there is a possibility of earthquakes.

When we start saying God punishes certain groups of people as if we know for certain God is behind whatever it is he is using to punish I think it places us at a high level where we intimately know the things God is doing. I am not against saying God punishes people for their wrong but I am unwilling to see he does so by sending earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis and hurricanes. God, in 2 Peter 3:9 does not wish anyone would perish but that all would come to everlasting life.

What are your thoughts?

Doctrine of Retribution – Part 1 (Introduction)

The biblical character Job endured more suffering than most people will ever experience. The “Satan” works a couple of deals with God, an act we may never understand fully, and inflicts unimaginable suffering on Job by destroying his children, his livestock and ultimately his physical body. Job’s three friends (four if you count Elihu) and mourn with Job for seven days and seven nights. Then commences the part of the book of Job that most people don’t read: the dialogue section of poetry in Job 3-42:6. Immediately in the first speech of one of Job’s friends (Eliphaz) we are introduced to an apparently prevalent belief system in the Ancient Near East. After hearing Job curse the day he was born and a desire to go back where he came Eliphaz says this:

Think now, who that was innocent ever perished?
Or where were the upright cut off?
As I have seen, those who plow iniquity
and sow trouble reap the same.
By the breath of God they perish,
and by the blast of his anger they are consumed. (Job 4:7-9; NRSV)

What Eliphaz introduces to Job in a tactless manner is what we call the Doctrine of Retribution.

DOCTRINE OF RETRIBUTION: Those who do good things in this world will reap wonderful rewards from God but those who do bad things in this world will suffer.

This is a shortened version of a more complicated definition but I think this best summarizes the doctrine. Paul talks about this doctrine a little bit in his letter to the Galatians:

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Gal. 6:7-9; ESV).

If we are honest, many of us are bent this way when it comes to the Christian life. When bad things happen to us we assume it is because we are doing bad things or transversely when good things happen to us we assume it is because we have prayed right, attended church right and read our bibles. The entire book of Job is a quest for one man to reconcile the fact that he has done every pious thing he could think of and has withheld evil from his house and still he is suffering. If you pay attention to the dialogue I think both sides are struggling with the doctrine. One says he has done all good and does not deserve this evil (I agree in that no person deserves suffering) and the other says he is experiencing evil therefore he must have done something wrong. A verse from Torah reminds us of this type of thinking:

But if you do not do this, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out. (Num. 32:23; NRSV)

I want to write a mini-series on this doctrine and hope to give you some biblical wisdom to shed light on the subject. I believe there are formidable ramifications to this doctrine and our youth and churches will be in serious tension if we do not stifle this type of thinking. Here is the outline

  • Introduction
  • It’s Ramifications
  • It’s Opponent
  • It’s Truth
  • Doctrine of Retribution Glorification

Annoying People in the Gym

Many of you know that occasionally I blow a gasket and decide to rant and rave about certain things and then I seem to cool off and write more posts that are nice, warm and make you want to snuggle up with your dog in a snuggie. I have a serious rant that has been brewing for years now and I can no longer keep this rant contained. It is about those annoying people at gyms that get on my everlasting nerves. I work out at the YMCA on a regular basis and absolutely love it. However, there are those days when I want to throw weights at people and scream, “C’mon man! Really?” So I have compiled a list of people that annoy me and I hope you get a good laugh at this in that it is meant to be funny and somewhat serious. In no particular order…

  1. The Screamer. Now I know that the sports science show on ESPN said that screaming actually helps you lift more weight but in a little place called reality that should not apply to you. Unless your name is Jim Wendler and you are squatting 500lbs I don’t want to hear you scream. Matter of fact, it doesn’t make you look any cooler as you sound like a mother birthing a child. I would know…I have four kids.
  2. The Filmer. This one gets on my last nerve. As if looking at yourself is not enough you ask your little spot buddie to film you so you can put it on YouTube so everyone can look at your amazing form. First of all, odds are if you are asking someone to film you then you are not film worthy. The real guys who get filmed have hundreds of people around them and they are called Olympic athletes. Secondly, nobody (minus you and your mom) cares what you look like. It’s about getting stronger not looking like a Ken doll.
  3. Niagara Fallser. This is the guy that gets on the bench or other equipment and oozes sweat like the Niagara River is flowing out of every pore on their bodies. To make matters worse, they don’t wipe off after themselves and so when you want to do your sets after them you hesitate because who wants to bench press on a soggy bench that feels like a wet vanilla wafer?
  4. The Slapper. I never get this as I must have low testosterone. Some guys slap each other before they do their sets. You read that right…they slap each other. There are other individuals that do this…they are called gorillas and monkeys. Maybe evolution is reversing itself and the weight room is evidence for that reversal. When I see people slap each other I seriously want to run up to them and give them a banana.
  5. The One-Excerise-Wonder. You know this guy. He sits on one exercise machine and stays there for 40 minutes as if nothing else is available. He stacks that one machine with as much weights as possible, only does half the rep, slaps himself (#4), sweats (#3), films himself (#2) and then screams (#1). What a waste.
  6. The Deer-in-a-Headlighter. This is the guy that has no clue what he is doing so he drinks coffee, goes from machine to machine (usually the one you need) and does random sets and reps because he is clueless. Either do some research and man-up or leave and go to Krystals. Either way some of us need to get in, do our sets, then leave.

That’s it for now…hope you had a laugh!

90 Days in Him (2) – Nobody’s Perfect but…

shadowness.com

I am three days into reading the bible through in 90 days and I have to admit one thing: Nobody’s Perfect. Adam and Eve disappointed me by doing the only thing they were not supposed to do. Abraham disappointed me by lying about his wife…twice. Sarah disappointed me by laughing at God doubting his ability to deliver her a son. Rebekah and Jacob disappointed me by deliberately deceiving Isaac to steal Esau’s blessing. Esau disappointed me by giving up his birthright. Jacob disappointed me by neglecting Leah (albeit he married her under horrible circumstances) and focusing on Rachel. Speaking of Rachel, she disappointed me by lying about the household gods she stole (deception is a major motif in Abraham’s lineage). Jacob’s sons disappointed me by selling their brother Joseph to the Ishmaelites but who could blame them since Joseph bragged about his superior status in a dream he had. Judah disappointed me by sleeping with a prostitute who actually was not a prostitute but only his daughter-in-law (indicates Judah desired prostitutes on a regular basis).

Sheesh.

Nobody’s perfect…

At all…

But…

Joseph will restore his relationship with his brothers. Jacob will be blessed. Isaac’s heritage will live on and Abraham will once again be the father of many nations. We will all remember Adam because he was the first but also a predecessor for the Second Adam (Christ). Nobody’s perfect. You want to pick and prod at the bible because of its flawless characters then you will have more than you can handle. Scripture is full of them.

So is the church.

You want to point out the church’s hypocrisy…it’s apparent inconsistencies…it’s faulure to act…it’s unresponsive nature to critical issues while focusing on minor issues. You’re right. But nobody’s perfect.

Nobody.

We all fall short and we all fail at glorifying God which, last time I checked, is a daily reminder of our need to repent and ask and seek forgiveness.

Anything to add?

90 Days in Him (1) – Beer-lahai-roi

© fcaoneyearbible.wordpress.com

I am going to read the bible through in 90 days and occasionally I want to post a devotional message from it. today I read Genesis 1-16 and a thought came to me at the close of my reading.

Hagar is Sarai’s servant who was given to Abram so that a child could be born to Abram and Sarai (Gen. 16:1-3). The problem is that this turned Sarai’s inability to conceive as a recipe for jealousy and bitterness towards Hagar and she “dealt harshly” with her and eventually Hagar fled (16:4-7). Hagar met the angel of the Lord (the text actually records that the angel of the Lord “found” her. Sometimes we find God and sometimes God finds us) and was told that she was with child and was going to bear a donkey of a man whose name will be Ishmael (16:7-12). What is recorded next is worthy of special attention:

13 So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.” 14 Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi; it lies between Kadesh and Bered.

Beer-lahai-roi is Hebrew for, “well of the living who sees me.” Hagar was comforted by the fact that God saw her in the midst of a wandering in the wilderness. God is the one who “sees” us and notices us. Throughout the Genesis 1-16 reading God has paid special attention to his creation. He saw that man was alone (2:18) and created woman for him. God saw that Adam and Eve sinned (3:8-9) and punished man. God saw the wickedness of Cain (4), the corruption of the Earth (6), the righteousness of Noah(6:8), the pride of the nations building a tower (11) and on and on. We serve a God who “sees” everything…good and bad.

Lessons…

  • Sometimes we pursue God while other times God pursues us.
  • God notices our affliction.
  • God notices our sin.
  • God is concerned about the redemption of mankind.
  • God is concerned about his covenant.

Any thoughts?

What youth ministers should do on their day off…

So it’s Monday and I wish I was off today but thought I would post about what a youth minister should do on his day off and give some ideas, and maybe give you a laugh or two.

In no particular order…

  • Turn off the cell phone
  • Avoid the computer
  • Go fishing
  • Go to the movies
  • Don’t read a single book, article, blog post, etc.
  • No chores unless it brings you joy. I cram all of my chores (mowing, cleaning, etc.) on days that I work so that when I do have a day off I can vegetate.
  • Eat something naughty like a Reese’s Egg or something
  • Go for a walk
  • Have a conversation with your spouse
  • Visit your kid’s school and eat lunch with them
  • Go by the church office with a sign saying: “I am wearing shorts and you can’t do anything about it.”
  • Ask for forgiveness for the previous idea…
  • Eat breakfast for dinner, and dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner.
  • What did I just say in that previous idea?
  • Make a movie about yourself and what it means to have Sabbath and realize you just broke the Sabbath by making a movie…
  • Go to a park
  • Go swimming
  • Go to a mall and watch people
  • Go to Wal-Mart and watch people…yikes…
  • Go for a drive
  • Bounce on a trampoline
  • Go hunting
  • Go hit some golf balls
  • Eat another Reese’s egg
  • Take a nap
  • Drive by the office again with a sign that says, “I JUST TOOK A NAP.”
  • Help your wife…if she asks you to do chores then do them for this will help you in the long run.
  • Most of all, seriously, be completely present for God and simply take a day off.

Here’s to wishing I was taking a nap…

How do I start something new in my ministry?

From leadingandlovingit.com

No doubt you have heard of this story or at least experienced it yourself.

Tommy wanted to start something new at the church he has worked for for a little over 18 months. He was a fiery, energetic guy and if he did something he did it 100%. It was winter time and Tommy wanted to start a new program in the spring where they would go on a mission trip over spring break to Honduras to help the church down there in VBS, door-knocking and a building campaign. It was a great idea and so he made all of the arrangements, mailed flyers to the parents, put-up a huge sign-up, a poster, mentioned it to the kids and got them excited. He thought  this was going to be amazing. One problem, he didn’t talk with the parents. Half the parents had committed plans to go on vacation and the other half simply could not let their child go as money would be impossible to raise in three months. Tommy was approached by the elders (right or wrong) and they let him know of the mass e-mails, phone calls and visits they have had from parents who are irate that Tommy has done this without their approval, wisdom and help. The elders have asked Tommy to cancel the trip and do something else. Tommy is angry and cannot believe the parents would be upset about sending their kids to a mission trip. The kids are upset because they won’t get to go now and the ministry seems to have taken two steps back.

In my opinion Tommy was wrong for many reasons. I don’t blame his fire though as he wants to do whats best for the kids but his fire is a little misguided. Yet, there are situations where we want to start something new in our ministries but we are at a loss as to how to do it. First of all, I am not an expert as many things we have done have been the same thing since I came in 2004. Other things we have started, failed and then cancelled it. Parents at Main Street know I am not afraid to try something as long as I have their support. So here are some rules, guidelines, suggestions, tidbits of wisdom I would give you if you are wanting to start something new.

  • You are not allowed to change a thing in your ministries the first two years. Unless you are starting a ministry or simply inherited something that was catastrophic, your job is to carry our what has been done and develop relationships and train a volunteer staff. That’s it.
  • What are you motives? Do you want to start something new because you think it will benefit the students or are you starting something new because you personally don’t like something? It’s time to do a real gut-check and leave your ego at the foot of the cross. Pray about this and think about it a while. Let the Spirit probe your core to see if this is the best thing that needs to be done.
  • Think slow, think small. I know you want to go into your ministries like your driving Grave-Digger over some insignificant cars but you got to be patient and think about change over long periods of time. You also have to think about small wins as battles you have won. The first couple years of my ministry here I wanted to go to this huge ministry conference and I asked the elders. They declined but let me go to a smaller conference and I thought this was a small victory. Think slow, think small.
  • Ask and involve parents.  That statement is worth repeating, “ask and involve the parents!” I hope this is a no-brainer but they are your pulse for how effective of a job you are doing and if you are doing a horrible job believe me, it’s because they are not involved in the decision-making. The wise man once said, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed” (Prov. 15:22). This is true in life and this is true in ministry.
  • Ask the students. The older I get the more I realize I necessarily don’t know what the kids would like see done in the ministry. Involve a team of student leaders and throw things out there to them. Sometimes they will say, “That’s really amazing Robbie, you are the best youth minister in the world, God’s gift to this church.” OK…never that…but they will like the idea while sometimes they will tell you, “You are lame! I can’t believe you actually graduated from college!” Ask the students.
  • Let your leadership know. Whatever setting you are in, involve your decisions, dreams, vision with the leaders of your church. They do not like getting surprises.
  • Do your homework. If you want to start something new you better be able to explain why this “new thing” will be beneficial to the church. You better think about all of the objections that will come from meetings with your parents, students and leadership. You better have a plan in place to implement this new program that includes your vision, your proposed plan of action and the volunteers it will take to carry out this big idea. Do your homework.
  • Have the humility to accept the response, “Not now.” By “accept” I mean understand that it is God’s will. Don’t sulk, whine to other ministers, write an angry blog about it, gossip about it, or whatever. Simply accept it and realize that it is for the best.

Hope these help. What else would you add?

“YOU HAVE FOUR KIDS!?!?!?”

I love being a husband and I love being a dad. I struggle at times with both but I would not trade it for a second because I love it!!! I also love it when people ask how many kids I have because their response is the same no matter how many times I get asked. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Person:  So do you have kids?

Me:  I sure do.

Person: How many?

Me: Four…Kaleb…

Person (Interrupting): YOU HAVE FOUR KIDS?!?!?!?

Me: Ummm…yeah.

Person: How close are they?

Me: Kaleb is 6, Amelia is 5, Madelyn is almost 4 and Samuel is 2.

Person (Laughing in disbelief): Sheesh, you’re crazy.

Depending on who they are they follow up with an elbow in my arm saying, “You know what causes that right?” Har…har!

People are shocked when they hear that my wife and I have four kids and at first I thought it to be comical but now I am starting to wonder if we are on an island alone somewhere in the Pacific. The trend now is to wait until you are older to get married and even more to have kids. If you do have kids then the maximum is two, maybe three if it is an accident. My wife and I certainly avoided the trend as we were married at 22 and 21 respectively and we had Samuel, our youngest, by the time we were 29 and 28 which means our youngest will graduate high-school when we are 47 and 46. Sounds good to me!

I don’t get it though as to why people wait. From a financial perspective I can understand why one would not have four kids (it is tough) but other than that why wait? Even if Heather and I waited three years to start having kids we still would not be in a better financial situation than when we started.

I love being a dad of four kids who are four and a half years apart. I love how close they are and how much they love playing with each other. I love how they grow up with each other and learn from each other’s mistakes and successes. I love how I get to have four vastly different prayers each night before they go to bed. I love how we take up a whole pew at church and I love the reaction when people see our four blonde-haired blue-eyed kids walk in a line like a bunch of ducks.

I love it. I am not saying I am better than people who are not married or who only have one or two kids (I do think I am but I am biased so that does not mean it is true) only that I am in a position to do what I can with who God has placed in my life. I have heard it said that God only places the difficult situations to people who can bear it and while that is not always the case, I think it is true for Heather and I as we are an excellent team and we can handle it.

So next time you are amazed at the fact that I have four kids just know that I am amazed that people wouldn’t want these four kids. I am amazed that people would wait for something as magnificent as being a father. I am amazed that people would wait for something as spectacular as marriage.  Why wait? We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

God thank you for my wife and for my four beautiful children.