Category Archives: Family

Prayer for the New Year

Father in heaven there is a lot going on in my life that needs cleansing and healing.  First of all, allow me to accept those things which are new and embrace them with open arms.  It is difficult to think about what lies ahead but I understand that there is no guarantee for any of us.  Health is a blessing and I am always one heart attack, stroke or accident away from meeting you and so I am blessed to be where I am at right now.  Protect my kids and give me the knowledge to train them in loving you not by word only but in a relationship that interacts with you.  Father please be with the college students and help them to grow closer to you but allow them to do so in a way that is genuine.  Many of them are meeting potential spouses or are looking for potential spouses and I ask that you give them the knowledge to choose wisely.  Father the youth group needs your help as Satan is excellent at what he does.  There is too much temptation out there and I am afraid much of our youth are succumbing to this so please help them with the power of your Son.  Father help Main Street to have new life in 2011 and allow us to grow spiritually but even numerically.  We do not need to settle for second best as too much is at stake for us to simply be content and ride off in the sunset.  Father help us in this year to be ready for the deaths, the injuries, the accidents, the sins, the mistakes, the broken relationships and the foolish decisions we inevitably will make.  Also, Father, through your Spirit, allow us/me to accept the new possibilities and fully embrace them regardless of the consequences.  Deliver us O Lord, according to your ceaseless love.  Amen.

Quote on Parenting

Thought you could chew on this one for a while…hang in there parents!!!

When a parent refused to accept his child’s defiant challenge, something changes in their relationship.  The youngster begins to look at his mother and father with disrespect; they are unworthy of her allegiance.  More important, she wonders why they would let her do such harmful things if they really loved her.  The ultimate paradox of childhood is that boys and girls want to be led by their parents but insist that their mothers and fathers earn the right to lead them.”  James Dobson, The New Strong-Willed Child, 2004, p. 5.

Some implications I imagine…

Facebook 101 – Part 7 (How not to be THAT guy or THAT girl)

Like any tool, Facebook should be used in an appropriate manner.  There are correct ways to use certain tools and, obviously, there are incorrect ways to use them.  Of course, from a Christian worldview, the purpose of Facebook may be completely different from someone who is not a Christian.  Since this is my blog and the lens at which I approach the world (or at least try to) is through Jesus Christ that is the way I want to approach Facebook.  I have compiled some general observations that range from Facebook annoyance to serious theological concern.  In no particular order here is my list to help you avoid being THAT girl or THAT guy.  Some of this is a bit sarcastic so please take my humor where it applies and do not be so full of yourself. 

  • The “comment-on-everything” person - There you are with your mobile device or at your laptop with WiFi commenting on this picture, on that statement, or this status.  When I look at your profile and see you have made 35 comments in one day I start to wonder if you are ever going to get out of the house and see the sun.  You know who you are…sitting there commenting on a photo 12 times so that when I get to my computer I have 65 notifications and it is ______________ commented on your photo…12 times!!!  Keep your comments to a minimum. 
  • The “hidden-message-status” person – This person tries to be all sneaky with their statuses as if what they are saying could only be decoded by special operatives in the CIA.  They make inferences, implications and try to be sneaky with their statuses like, “_________ is thinking of him” or, “___________ wonders what may come of this” and, “______________wishes that just did not happen.”  Look, if you want us to ask what happened, who you are thinking about and what may come of whatever it is that you are hiding than tell us otherwise do not make us go through FBI training to decode your weird status update.  If you want us to know then tell us!  But that leaves me to the next person…
  • The “my-life-is-going-to-end-status” person – This is one of the most annoying people out there because they pour out their raw, uncensored (I would add uneducated) emotions into a status update so that everyone can see.  Examples are “___________ is thinking that her life is ruined and there is no help in sight” and, “_____________ has been crying all night over her,” and my personal favorite, “_______________is in so much pain and does not know what to do.”  Look, I get it….you are struggling and you want some help but we do not want to see that.  Get the help you need from a counselor, a minister, a close friend but people on Facebook do not care that your life is ruined.  Most of the time your status the next day is “_____________ is on cloud-9 about him.” 
  • The “deep-quote-status” person - I am guilty of this but cut and pasting from a quote page and putting it on your status does not make you smarter.  Anyone can press CTRL+C and then CTRL+V.  I learned that in 9th grade typing class.  Be original people.  Also don’t plagiarise quotes…tell who and where it is from if you put it on there instead of  passing it off as if you are smart. 

Enough with the statuses…

  • The Farmville/Quiz Takers/Application Person - You annoy me more than anybody.  You sit there and play a weird game on Facebook that really does not matter and invite me and other people to play all the while taking up space on my news feed.  Shame on you…commmunicate with people instead of answering quizzes, building crops and other silly stuff. 
  • The “I-love-Jesus-religion-but-I-am-in-a-picture-at-a-party-with-alcohol” Person – You are the ones who say, “Jesus is my savior” yet you have pictures on your profile of you and others getting your drink on at a college party…not to mention you are underage and I can report you to the authorities if I wanted (I don’t but I could).  Look if Jesus was really your Savior you would not have pictures like that up there nor would you be touting movies like Mean Girls, Sex in the City, The Hangover and Scary Movie as some of your favorites.  Quit being hypocrite…maybe for your religion you should put: “Putting Jesus in the backseat for now,” or, “Sowing my wild oats,” or, “Apathetic at this point,” or, “Maybe later.”  I would believe that and actually think better of you.  Speaking of pictures…
  • The “revealing-but-not-really-picture” person – Facebook does not allow nudity on people’s pictures but there sure are many who are proud of their bodies.  Whether it is girls and their skimpy bathing suits showing everything but or guys taking pictures of themselves of their ripped abs in the mirror it is really annoying.  Really, why did you put that picture on your profile?  Because you are proud of your bod and want everybody to know it.  First of all, your body is not yours to begin with…it’s the Lord’s.  You are living in his temple so treat it as such.  Secondly, as a dad, I do not want people looking at my girls and as a husband I do not want people looking at my wife.  So…cover it up, hide it, tuck it in and be respectful :)

Hope you enjoyed this series and have learned how to use Facebook responsibly.  Love you all.

Facebook 101 – Part 6 (Getting help for an addiction…seriously)

This is the post I did not want to write.  This is the post that will probably make you upset and want to click the little “X” icon at the top of your browser to close the blog and never return.  I don’t want you to do that but I understand why you would do that.  When an addict is confronted about their addiction their first response is anger and denial.  ”I have everything under control” or, “I can quit any time I want to” are typical assertions by those who are, ironically, not in control and not able to quit.  So when you get mad at me I understand and your reaction is typical so I will not take offense to it.  I estimate that 50% of Main Street (congregation where I minister) uses Facebook (most of them are 25 and under) and roughly 25% of those are addicted to it.  There is no hard data that I make my observations from other than noticing the time spent on Facebook and the amount of activity based on their profile.  Before we begin with identifying if you are addicted and offering some help I want to first define what an addiction is:

An addiction is “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma” (Source).

Please pay attention to the definition itself…key words are “enslaved, habit, practice, cessation and trauma.”  Let me define it in a way that a teenager would understand it: “anything that you can’t stop thinking about doing.  If you were to stop doing this activity then you would have severe withdrawals.”  There is no hard-fast way to prove that you are addicted (click here and click here for two articles about “signs that you are addicted”).  Below are some things that I want you to consider and then I will offer some suggestions for help.

  1. How much time are you on Facebook per week?  (click on survey below to see results)  No compare that with how much time you spend reading Scripture, praying, serving the community and worshiping.  Remember Jesus’ admonition in Matthew 6:24 where he stated that no man (and woman) can serve two masters?  That applies to anything and everything that evacuates your time and energy to the neglect and dismay of God Almighty!
  2. When you are on Facebook what are you doing?  I know people who spend 4-5 hours a week on Facebook but they are writing messages of encouragement and checking on people who have fallen away.  I would say that those 4-5 hours are spent wisely.  Most of us who spend 6+ hours on Facebook are doing one of the following: Facebook stalking, checking pictures, chating, checking updates, responding to comments or looking for friends.  Is that the best way to spend your time?
  3. How often do you check Facebook?  You can set your mobile device to receive updates from comments, statuses and messages.  Many of you have mobile Facebook where you can check from your cell phone.  How often do you do that?  When you wake up in the morning?  Right as you get out of school? During a down period at work?  Right before you go to bed?  Maybe you wake up at night and  can’t sleep so you check Facebook?
  4. If you were told not to check Facebook would that bother you?  Pay attention to how you answer the question because it is crucial to understanding if you are addicted.  You might say “Of course not,” then go without a day or so but in the back of your mind if you are wondering what is happening at Facebook then you are addicted.

By now you know if you struggle or not but I want to offer some advice…

  1. Write down how much time you use on Facebook.  Write down when, where and how you check Facebook.  This is crucial because it will show you how much time you spend so you can jump to…
  2. Admit that you have a problem.  Facebook is not wrong but when it takes away from family, homework, spiritual formation and work then it becomes an issue.
  3. Give yourself a set time to look at Facebook and be realistic.  ”I will spend 8-10pm on Facebook” is a bit ridiculous.  Start by saying I will only spend 30 minutes from 4:00-4:30pm looking at Facebook and that is only to encourage people.  Gossip is easy on Facebook so try to avoid it.
  4. When you have withdrawal symptoms meditate on a favorite verse.  I recommend Proverbs 3:5-6.  When you think about Facebook just divert your thoughts to “trust in the Lord with all of your heart…”
  5. If you are really bold deactivate your Facebook account.  This will let you keep all of your data where as deleting your account will permanently destroy all of your pictures and what not.
  6. Block Facebook on your computer.  Of course you can unblock it but blocking it will let you know how serious you are.
  7. If you MUST use Facebook remember to use it in a way that gives God the glory.

I know this was a long post but I wanted to be honest with a problem I see among many teens, young adults and even older adults.  Tomorrow we delve into using Facebook appropriately by not being that guy or that girl.  Take the survey below.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, MAKING THE BEST USE OF THE TIME, (why Paul?) because the days are evil.  (Eph. 5:15-16).

Facebook 101 – Part 5 (Using Facebook for Good)

We should not think that Facebook is an evil, diabolical vehicle maintained and operated by Satan himself.  Like most technology, it is not evil in-and-of itself but it always contains the potential to become evil when used for the wrong reasons.  Having said that, Facebook can be used for so much good that many churches, organizations, and individuals have been able to give God glory because of Facebook. 

On an individual level we can encourage people on Facebook. 

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.”  (1 Thess. 5:11)

We have a group on Facebook  called MAIN STREET MINISTRY and when people join this group I can send every member an e-mail about a person who recently passed away or a person who is having surgery.  When they receive that e-mail (message) they can either write on the person’s wall or send them a message that offers words of comfort or let’s the person know that prayers are offered on their behalf. 

Also events can be created for important congregational days.  Say your church is having a Family and Friends Day and you want to invite people to this then you can send invitations to all of your friends and your friends can send invitations and so on and so forth.  Here’s another evangelistic tool…you can also purchase FACEBOOK ADS  which target people in your area and a certain age bracket.  The ads appear on the right hand screen and when people click them it will send them to your event page.  You can do it for a few days or a whole month depending on your budget. 

Facebook can also be good to help reunite those who we thought were long gone.  I have rekindled old friendships and made contact with people who I never thought I would if it were not for Facebook.  Nostalgia can be harmful in some ways as some want to relive the glory days but it is great for people who want to let others know that they are praying for them.  I have been able to minister to old friends because of Facebook where as I would not have been able to do so.  Facebook is good because it allows us to be accountable to each other in a public manner.  If someone is clearly struggling then we have an opportunity to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2) in a quick and accessible way.  When we see people who are clearly doing things they should not we have a way to reprove those who need correction.   

There is plenty of good and righteous aspects in Facebook that could (and should) be used for the glory of God. What ideas have you had?  Share those in the comments section.

Facebook 101 – Part 4 (Privacy Settings)

To let you knowhow much Facebook has taken over I want you to look at the picture to the right.  It is the bottom of a Wal-Mart receipt I received after shopping for some groceries last night.  Facebook is everywhere and has truly become part of society’s daily living.  We have learned the basics of Facebook and how to navigate through the Facebook interface.  Today’s blog post is perhaps the most important one as it deals with the issue of privacy.

Before we begin I want to first give you two sets of statistics.  The first deals with parents and how they monitor their child’s internet usage.  The second statistic deals with the reality of cyber-predators.[1]

  • 93% of parents say they have established rules for their child’s Internet activity.
  • 37% of students report being given no rules from their parents on using the Internet.
  • 47% of parents feel their ability to monitor and shelter their children from inappropriate material is limited.
  • 95% of parents say they know “some” or “a lot” about where their children go or what their children do on the Internet.
  • 41% of students do not share where they go or what they do on the Internet with their parents.
  • 26% of students believe their parents would be concerned if they knew what they did on the Internet.

Consider these statistics on predators…

  • 20% of high-school students (grades 9 through 12) have met face to face with someone they first met online.
  • 19% of middle-school students (grades 5 through 8) have met face to face with someone they first met online.
  • 10% of middle- and high-school students have met face to face with a stranger from the Internet who was not their own age.
  • 7% of middle- and high-school students have been asked by Internet strangers to keep their relationship a secret.
  • 13% of middle- and high-school students know they have been fooled about the age of someone they met on the Internet.
  • 27% of middle- and high-school students know someone who has made friends with a much older (at least 5 years older) person on the Internet.
  • 29% of middle- and high-school students have chatted or used IM with someone on the Internet they have never met face to face.
So what can we do in regards to Facebook?  First of all, as a parent and a user everyone needs to read Facebook’s privacy  policy at  (http://www.facebook.com/policy.php).
The policy states that if you are under 13 you are not allowed to use Facebook.  So if your child registered for Facebook and they were under 13 then they lied about their age.  Secondly, parents you need to check your child’s privacy settings.  Simply log in to their Facebook account and click the upper right-hand tab that says “Account” and scroll down to privacy settings.   It is here where you can click on who is allowed to see your photos, your location, your status, and things people can comment on and so on and so forth.  You can also click on “applications and settings” and set what applications you may use but also what information of YOU is available through your friends.  Also on the privacy setting page is a little tab called “Block lists.”  It is here where you can block users, events and invites from certain types of people.  For a full explanation of the privacy settings I recommend you go to the following website: http://www.facebook.com/privacy/explanation.php.
At the end of the day the only way you can fully be safe is to trust that your children are not befriending people they have never met.  Also making sure your children do not put revealing pictures of themselves or pictures that would put them in a negative light with the church.  I have actually heard of employees getting fired because of inappropriate Facebook pictures.  You must be completely aware of what your child is up to but that is not realistic and not possible.  What needs to happen is sound teaching mixed with appropriate internet surfing.  There are too many losers/creepers out there who do nothing but prey on innocent people.  That is why a parent must always have access to their children’s Facebook accounts…ALWAYS!!!  Just the knowledge of you having the passwords is enough for them to be responsible.
Tomorrow we will look at how Facebook can be used for good.

[1] From ISafe.org.  Check out the full report at http://www.isafe.org/imgs/pdf/mediakit/i-SAFE_Stats.pdf

Where does your faith come from?

Last night for our parent-teen devotional I asked the parents to talk about what brought them to the faith or to the church.  Some of the stories I knew but some of them surprised me.  All of this was in front of the students so they could listen to other parents talk about why they came to God.  Some were “born into the church” and others came to know Jesus in their 30s.  It was an amazing moment. 

I made a quick point in that our faith is never on our own but is always dependent on someone else.  We are never on an island with our faith as there are a host of people who have fought spiritually for the blessings we now enjoy.  It is neat to see how our stories are tied to the one Story that unites us all.  The story of Jesus. 

Not much to add here…where does your faith come from?

Why I am considering cancelling my Facebook Account

In 2005 a study indicated that 85% of all college students had a Facebook account (Source).   That study is now 5 years old so I would estimate that over 90% of college students use Facebook.  People in our congregation use Facebook as I see comments left and right about this event in their life and that event in their life.  Our teenagers talk now more on the internet and cell phone than they do face-to-face.  I often am asked, “Did you hear about so-and-so?”  To which I respond, “No I didn’t.”  Then the conversation usually begins with, “Well I heard on Facebook….”  Facebook has become part of our lives in a way in which everyday conversation hedges on Facebook.  “Did you hear that….” or, “You know what I saw yesterday on Facebook?”  It is all a mess if you ask me!  Facebook, in my opinion, has become an issue for three important reasons.  First, I believe Facebook has created a false way in which humans interact with each other.  Teenagers text, instant message (IM) and chat and there is no interpersonal communication.  I hear of people quitting jobs via Facebook, getting together and breaking up via Facebook and the ever reliable announcement of an engagement, a pregnancy or the fact you got a C+ instead of a C- on a Chemistry final!  Secondly, Facebook induces what I call cyber gossip.  you may have heard this as “Facebook stalking.”  This is what gets on my last nerve is when people look at a person’s profile and sees information then checks the other person’s profile to confirm it then sends a comment (FOR EVERYONE TO SEE) telling them about the juicy news.  Admit it…deep down inside you spend hours looking at photos, status updates and comments because you like to know juicy information.  Someone once came up to me and said, “Hey, I am worried about ___________ because I saw him in a picture with a beer in his hand!”  A) This person should not have put the picture for everyone to see and B) Did you call this person to let THEM know of your concern and C) why are you meddling in people’s business anyways (I don’t care if it is public information).  Finally, Facebook has become nothing more, at least to me, than idolatry.  I hear of some of my teenagers spending hours a day looking at Facebook.  HOURS!!!  With technology you can receive updates via text or send updates via text.  If you have an internet plan on your phone you can check people’s profiles (i.e. stalk people) all day long.  The opportunities are endless.  Anything that takes your time away that much from what is important is idolatry. 

No doubt you are coming up with counter-arguments in your mind about the validity of Facebook and all of the good things that come from it.  Churches have groups, people pray for one another, people get birthday wishes (all be it still impersonal), long-lost friends are reconnected, and so forth. 

I just can’t see myself succumbing to the addiction and calling myself a disciple.  No doubt I will be the last one to find out that so-and-so are no longer together.  I will probably be the last to figure out that a teenager is seriously depressed because the put “seriously depressed” on their status.  I guess I won’t get to join all of those cool groups and ever-important causes.  Perhaps I will just have to spend more time with my family, with my Bible and with my wife in prayer and serving the community.  Wait a minute…isn’t that what I supposed to do anyways?  Maybe this won’t be so bad after all…we will see.

Letter to Samuel

Dear Samuel,

            I want you to know that your mother and I are so proud of you and that no matter what choices you make in life we will always love you.  Your name in Hebrew means, “God hears” and your mother and I firmly believe that God heard our prayers when He gave us you.  I want you to know a few things while they are fresh on your mind.  First of all, I want you to know that I am not perfect.  There will be times I will lose my temper, times I get frustrated, times when I miss a ball game, times when I should be at your practice but I got caught up at the office and times perhaps you will not want to even hear my voice.  I just want to tell you son that I love you and please forgive me for that.  This leads me to my second point in that know that there is no other person in this world who loves you more than I do (your mom may disagree).  Many nights were spent in prayer because of you and I am sure many more nights will be spent in prayer with you but it is all because I love you so much.  But know this Samuel Edward; as much as I love you, God in heaven loves you even more.  I may disappoint you and I may be a hypocrite sometimes but God will never leave you and he will never play the part of a hypocrite.  Samuel, you are only 5 days old and by the time you read this you will graduate high-school and move on to bigger and better things.  But know that with every bit of energy I could muster, it has been my goal to show you and your brother and sisters how much you can be loved.  If I am not here when you read this then I am sorry but odds are, you know I am doing ok and my hope is to be with you someday around the table eating an all-you-can-eat buffet playing a little football.  I love you Samuel…always have and always will. 

Love Always, 

Daddy

A Word from a Parent

As I am writing these words I am in the delivery room where my wife gave birth to our son Samuel Edward yesterday.  Trying to get sleep with him crying and then with so many other things going on I realize that I am at a loss for something called patience.  I asked one of our youth group parents to write a guest post for me with this title: “Tools of the Trade: Patience.”  I think what you will learn is contrite statements of the heart about parenting and patience.  Enjoy. 

Patience is something that I don’t consider my best attribute, but am learning that patience is one of the most important tools that should be used when parenting a child.  If you raise a child in the way He should go, you should be able to take a few steps back when they are trying to grow and allow them to make a few mistakes.  That is where your patience kicks in. When my children make mistakes, they want to be guided, not criticized, or controlled.  I tend to want to control my children’s steps, where actually God can handle that better than me.  I have found that life lessons have strengthened my faith considerably.  If those life lessons have helped me, shouldn’t I want my teenage and young adult child’s faith to grow also?  Does that sound like I want my children to stumble and fall?  No I don’t.  But I do not need to control everything that they do.  I need to notice when the time is right to slightly step aside and be there for them when they ask for help.  Be patient with there mistakes and questions and PRAY PRAY PRAY.  God has plans for each one of our children and we patiently need to help guide them in the direction that He wants them to go.  I don’t have a clue what He has planned for mine, but I know that it will be good and I pray that I will have enough sense to let go and Let God.