Category Archives: Youth Ministry

Things I learn that may or may not help you in ministry.

5 Signs That Indicate You May Need to Quit THE Ministry

From dnpstudio.com

As I approach my eighth year at Main Street I have often wondered if there was a proven system of questions that I could ask myself that would help me understand that it was time to leave the ministry. Let’s parse this a little…I am not talking about leaving “A” ministry where you switch churches because God…<cough-cough> “the money”…called you there but I am talking about completely leaving paid full-time work. I think most ministers going through seasons where he or she considers leaving full-time work but how do you know? Well, based on some books I have read and conversations I have had with other ministers these are 5 signs that indicate you may need to quit THE ministry.

  • What once gave you joy, now sucks the life out of you. 

I remember a particular season in my ministry where every time I had an activity it gave me passion, joy and fulfillment. Then I went through a rough patch where every meeting felt like a task. Every time I wrote a bulletin article, answered the phone and every time someone e-mailed me it became tiresome and the thing that used to give me energy now sucks the life out of me. even reading Scripture became more of a job than a spiritual discipline. I hated it.

  • You start to look for reasons to leave saying, “If ___________ happens (or doesn’t happen) then I am leaving.” 

Call this, fuel to the fire. Just like money grows on compound interest so does anger on compound opposition. For example, spilled milk might not be a big issue but when you have to get the car fixed, you are late on three deadlines and there is no money in the bank then coming home to spilled milk might be your breaking point. Say you are frustrated about ministry and you are thinking about leaving and then you have a parent who did not like a recent youth activity you did. That’s all the ammo you needed.

  • Your family laments the fact that your in ministry. 

“If daddy wasn’t working on Sundays maybe our family would grow closer.” From an angry wife: “It seems that all you do is come home frustrated with all of these problems that occur at the church. to make matters worse you are always gone visiting that person, or going to this person’s ball game, or whatever. Then when we finally get a weekend to spend time with each other you have to go preach a funeral. I wish you cared as much about this family as you do about your stupid ministry!” Words of anger from a couple who have long extended their stay in ministry. Need I say more?

  • You are afraid to do anything else because of the money.

I get this. You have a bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies and a Master’s of Ministry and that means 97% of the corporate world could care less. The thought of quitting ministry scares you because 1) the financial climate makes jobs extremely competitive and 2) what could you honestly do anyways? You could get a graduate degree in something else but you don’t have the time or money for that so right now you are a little scared to leave which may be a sign that you need to leave.

And finally…

  • You have become angry, cynical and disillusioned with God (at God?) and the church.

Lillian Hellman once said, “Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.” I am not sure I buy that but I do believe cynicism is unhealthy. The moment we get to the point where God becomes an object instead of the subject then we need to run for the hills…as fast as we can.

I don’t want to leave without offering you some hope though before you quit…

  1. Get help! Talk to a counselor, a minister or a strong Christian. Shoot…talk to all three. This may be a deeply embedded issue that was triggered by ministry and ministry might not be the cause of it.
  2. Take a sabbatical before you take off. I would imagine any eldership would understand the need for their minister to recharge for a month or a couple of months if you have worked there 5+ years. Any eldership that says no needs a gut check.
  3. Involve others in your work. Don’t do all of this yourself.
  4. Spend some time with your family.
  5. Don’t be afraid to leave. Jesus said, “Consider the lilies.” Not easy to do when you have bills and such but sometimes, as the quote goes, “stumbling may actually keep you from falling.”

Youth Ministry Discipline

I take a pause from the DOR series to ask a few questions I hope some of my youth ministry friends can answer. All of it stems around the idea of discipline. Quickly, hopefully even a cursory reading of Scripture leads you to a conclusion that from the standpoint of discipline, God is for it. Consider this brief example (one could make an argument that most of the prophetic literature is about God’s discipline of his people for their wayward idolatry):

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject tothe Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7-11).

Now I wonder about our youth ministry programs. According to the Hebrew author the discipline is not to punish us but to restore us. It is for our good. He says that all have participated in discipline and thus it is a universal human experience (think parenting, think self-discipline, on and on). So how does this play out in our youth ministries? I dare say that most of us want to shy away from this subject as if it is a nasty bit of cancer. We, as youth ministers, have to put up with a lot and sometimes we are quick to please people. I am guilty of this myself. Sometimes we become afraid of certain parents (someone who is in leadership) and we refuse to discipline their children for fear of what they might say.

As a parent my goal is to make sure my children 1) Have fun, 2) are respectful, 3) they change the world and last and most importantly they, 4) glorify God. Anything less than that is unacceptable. I had a conversation years ago with a parent one time and they became concerned that I was thinking about not letting their child attend youth activities because of their persistent disruptive behavior (months). The parent thought what I was doing was not a good idea because we should “never refuse a child from attending an activity.”

So here you go?

  • What types of policies do you have about discipline in your ministry?
  • Is it right to refuse a youth group student to attend an activity based on certain patterns of behavior?
  • How do you typically address this with parents? I.e., what are your methods of communication?
  • How do you address a student who is doing things you see on Facebook (or other social networking sites) that is not God-honoring but there seems to be no issue with the parents or students and your repeated attempts of help are either refused or ignored?

What youth ministers should do on their day off…

So it’s Monday and I wish I was off today but thought I would post about what a youth minister should do on his day off and give some ideas, and maybe give you a laugh or two.

In no particular order…

  • Turn off the cell phone
  • Avoid the computer
  • Go fishing
  • Go to the movies
  • Don’t read a single book, article, blog post, etc.
  • No chores unless it brings you joy. I cram all of my chores (mowing, cleaning, etc.) on days that I work so that when I do have a day off I can vegetate.
  • Eat something naughty like a Reese’s Egg or something
  • Go for a walk
  • Have a conversation with your spouse
  • Visit your kid’s school and eat lunch with them
  • Go by the church office with a sign saying: “I am wearing shorts and you can’t do anything about it.”
  • Ask for forgiveness for the previous idea…
  • Eat breakfast for dinner, and dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner.
  • What did I just say in that previous idea?
  • Make a movie about yourself and what it means to have Sabbath and realize you just broke the Sabbath by making a movie…
  • Go to a park
  • Go swimming
  • Go to a mall and watch people
  • Go to Wal-Mart and watch people…yikes…
  • Go for a drive
  • Bounce on a trampoline
  • Go hunting
  • Go hit some golf balls
  • Eat another Reese’s egg
  • Take a nap
  • Drive by the office again with a sign that says, “I JUST TOOK A NAP.”
  • Help your wife…if she asks you to do chores then do them for this will help you in the long run.
  • Most of all, seriously, be completely present for God and simply take a day off.

Here’s to wishing I was taking a nap…

How do I start something new in my ministry?

From leadingandlovingit.com

No doubt you have heard of this story or at least experienced it yourself.

Tommy wanted to start something new at the church he has worked for for a little over 18 months. He was a fiery, energetic guy and if he did something he did it 100%. It was winter time and Tommy wanted to start a new program in the spring where they would go on a mission trip over spring break to Honduras to help the church down there in VBS, door-knocking and a building campaign. It was a great idea and so he made all of the arrangements, mailed flyers to the parents, put-up a huge sign-up, a poster, mentioned it to the kids and got them excited. He thought  this was going to be amazing. One problem, he didn’t talk with the parents. Half the parents had committed plans to go on vacation and the other half simply could not let their child go as money would be impossible to raise in three months. Tommy was approached by the elders (right or wrong) and they let him know of the mass e-mails, phone calls and visits they have had from parents who are irate that Tommy has done this without their approval, wisdom and help. The elders have asked Tommy to cancel the trip and do something else. Tommy is angry and cannot believe the parents would be upset about sending their kids to a mission trip. The kids are upset because they won’t get to go now and the ministry seems to have taken two steps back.

In my opinion Tommy was wrong for many reasons. I don’t blame his fire though as he wants to do whats best for the kids but his fire is a little misguided. Yet, there are situations where we want to start something new in our ministries but we are at a loss as to how to do it. First of all, I am not an expert as many things we have done have been the same thing since I came in 2004. Other things we have started, failed and then cancelled it. Parents at Main Street know I am not afraid to try something as long as I have their support. So here are some rules, guidelines, suggestions, tidbits of wisdom I would give you if you are wanting to start something new.

  • You are not allowed to change a thing in your ministries the first two years. Unless you are starting a ministry or simply inherited something that was catastrophic, your job is to carry our what has been done and develop relationships and train a volunteer staff. That’s it.
  • What are you motives? Do you want to start something new because you think it will benefit the students or are you starting something new because you personally don’t like something? It’s time to do a real gut-check and leave your ego at the foot of the cross. Pray about this and think about it a while. Let the Spirit probe your core to see if this is the best thing that needs to be done.
  • Think slow, think small. I know you want to go into your ministries like your driving Grave-Digger over some insignificant cars but you got to be patient and think about change over long periods of time. You also have to think about small wins as battles you have won. The first couple years of my ministry here I wanted to go to this huge ministry conference and I asked the elders. They declined but let me go to a smaller conference and I thought this was a small victory. Think slow, think small.
  • Ask and involve parents.  That statement is worth repeating, “ask and involve the parents!” I hope this is a no-brainer but they are your pulse for how effective of a job you are doing and if you are doing a horrible job believe me, it’s because they are not involved in the decision-making. The wise man once said, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed” (Prov. 15:22). This is true in life and this is true in ministry.
  • Ask the students. The older I get the more I realize I necessarily don’t know what the kids would like see done in the ministry. Involve a team of student leaders and throw things out there to them. Sometimes they will say, “That’s really amazing Robbie, you are the best youth minister in the world, God’s gift to this church.” OK…never that…but they will like the idea while sometimes they will tell you, “You are lame! I can’t believe you actually graduated from college!” Ask the students.
  • Let your leadership know. Whatever setting you are in, involve your decisions, dreams, vision with the leaders of your church. They do not like getting surprises.
  • Do your homework. If you want to start something new you better be able to explain why this “new thing” will be beneficial to the church. You better think about all of the objections that will come from meetings with your parents, students and leadership. You better have a plan in place to implement this new program that includes your vision, your proposed plan of action and the volunteers it will take to carry out this big idea. Do your homework.
  • Have the humility to accept the response, “Not now.” By “accept” I mean understand that it is God’s will. Don’t sulk, whine to other ministers, write an angry blog about it, gossip about it, or whatever. Simply accept it and realize that it is for the best.

Hope these help. What else would you add?

Letters to a New Youth Minister 2 – People over Programs

Dear Youth Minister,

Yesterday I sent you a letter and we said that motives mean everything. Today I want to talk to you about the ministry itself. Perhaps the most important aspect of ministry is people not programs. Every where you go you see a youth ministry doing this new “fad” where they have a program that has strengthened their ministry in some capacity. They have a cute little A.C.R.O.S.T.I.C. for their program that nobody else is using (doubtful) and apparently it has led many to Christ with their new way of doing ministry. I was like that at first. I wanted to change everything (we will talk about change down the road) and implement all of these cool ideas that I learned from conferences, seminars or at a seminary some where. some of these programs absolutely bombed while some of them have been successful but I want to share something with you that  will be serve as a catalyst for your ministry. It’s about people.

Consider the new Sticky Faith movement asking youth ministers to implement inter-generational relationships with their students. Most of us agree with the research (I don’t think this is a fad) that students need to be involved in the larger picture of the church but this isn’t some new program (Deut. 6:1-9 anyone?) but it is a call back to the foundation of youth ministry…people. Jesus did not walk around talking about his missional approach to ministry and his strategies for the kingdom…he walked around and met with people and talked with them and healed many of them. Students and parents come to me regularly thanking the ministry for reaching their teenager not because of a program or event but because of a relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, programs have their functions and if you want to survive longer than a month in youth ministry you are going to have to do something other than play PS3 and be “present” all the time. Yet, at the end of the day relationships and people always trump programs. Always. Take it from someone who was slow to realize this.

Your welcome,

Robbie Mackenzie

Letters to a New Youth Minister 1 – Motives mean Everything

I am going to start a new series on this blog with the intent of trying to give wisdom to a young youth minister. It seems there is a lot of advice-giving that is easily accessible with blogs, podcasts, and waves of books and articles. I would like to offer my take on what I would say to myself and to a new youth minister if I had to do it all over again.

Dear Youth Minister,

Motives mean everything. As a father I understand this more than when I was younger. I have two young beautiful girls and when they start dating I want to completely understand the motives and intentions of the boy who decides to date her. Good intentions, as I have heard in sermons, are not necessarily God intentions. I hear of youth ministers who begin the ministry for a myriad of different reasons. Perhaps they feel youth ministry is a stepping-stone to preaching ministry or something else. Their intentions may be honorable but their heart will always be somewhere else. Not that preaching MAY be a logical transition for a youth minister but that is not where you need to be right now. I get it though, got to have a vision right? Got to have dreams right? That’s fine but James said, “You are like a mist that appears one moment and vanishes another” (4:14; The Voice NT). Or maybe you want to get into youth ministry because you enjoyed activities in high-school and think youth ministry is about hanging-out and playing dodgeball and such. I would caution you right now, GET OUT! It is more than simply a game of dodgeball as there is theology, planning, meeting and even some heart breaks that occur.

So my first letter to you is really a question: Why do you want to do youth ministry? It’s a low-paying job with hardly any benefits, more hours, more demanded of you, it will stretch you to your breaking-point (and even beyond) and will test the very fabric of your ever living soul. There will be many nights you lie awake crying, wondering if Jonah really made that bad of a decision going to Tarshish. You will lose your temper, you will not be able to keep up with the Jones’ and there will be times you want to quit. Still interested? I hope so. Motives mean everything.

Your friend,

Robbie Mackenzie

Youth Ministry 6.3 #42 – Jim Burns (Family Ministry)

I got the opportunity to interview Jim Burns who is the President of Homeword.  “HomeWord seeks to advance the work of God in the world by educating, equipping, and encouraging parents and churches to build God-honoring families from generation to generation.” Jim is a three time Gold Medallion Award winning author and has written books for parents, youth workers, and students. He speaks in-person to thousands of people each year around the world with a message of hope for families. We talk about family ministry and how to engage youth ministers with the families.

Book Review: Missional Youth Ministry

Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

I absolutely loved Missional Youth Ministry by Brian Kirk and Jacob Thorne. Brian and Jacob are mega-bloggers for the amazing blog, Rethinking Youth Ministry. The book was well-needed for my ministry context and I gained a lot of principles to think, chew and meditate on as I continue ministry here in Springfield. I must say, the book is so much a “model” for youth ministers to place into their programs as it is a discernment tool to ask questions to see if we are leading our teens to be disciples. The book is not a textbook on what it means to be missional as it is more of a practical guide to share ideas and to ask (stated above) difficult questions. I appreciate how relational and ecclesial the book was in its primary focus. Love God, love others and love the church might be a good motto for the thrust of this book. My favorite chapter was “the end of educational ministry” where they dissected a teenager’s brain (metaphorically of course ;) ) to show how they learn, connect and lead others. The book is worth the purchase just for all of the ministry ideas related to programming, worship and discipleship. I also loved how they implemented their blog posts throughout the book. I wish they would have cited the url for the post but we could always look it up. I could see this being used among youth ministry teams, youth minister retreats and even among parent-minister meetings. I loved it!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

  • Chapter 1 – “The challenge for those of us in youth ministry is to get beyond our fears and anxieties and trust that God is already working in the lives of young people” (p. 20).
  • Chapter 2 – “Helping teenagers grow stronger in the Christian faith goes far beyond having them memorize Scripture or learn bible stories or creeds” (27).
  • Chapter 3 – “I find that too often our youth ministries offer a Jesus who is safe, a Jesus who asks little of us beyond giving intellectual assent to a list of religious beliefs” (p. 45). “If you’re playing it safe to keep your job, or to make sure your teens like you, or to make parents happy, then it’s time to flip everything you’re doing upside down” (p. 46).
  • Chapter 4 – “Thinking intentionally about the boundaries in adult-teen relationships isn’t optional” (p. 64).
  • Chapter 5 – “We live in a results-and-success-oriented culture. Even the church has bought into the lie that its identity comes from its programs” (p. 75).
  • Chapter 6 – “We can teach all of the bible studies we want, but ultimately the parents have the most important and lasting influence on a young person’s faith–for good or ill” (p. 97).
  • Chapter 7 – “…it’s easier to tell teens what to think (and what not to think) than to walk with them through the long and sometimes difficult process of discovery–especially if we believe we’ve already found the right answers” (p. 108-09). Speaking of emotionally-charged camps and forced spiritual decisions: “Some of those same youth who made tearful committments tp Christ on the last night of camp were the first ones to ditch church and youth group a week later in order to go to a friend;s home to play video games” (117).
  • Chapter 8 – “Teenagers want to know and worship a God who spends time with them beyond the confines of stained glass and organ music” (p. 128).
  • Chapter 9 – “A truly missional youth ministry can only grow out of the unique gifts and needs of the young people in your group” (p. 145).

Leading like Joshua: OTHER’s FIRST!!!

Wrote this in my journal this morning:

God slapped me across the face this morning in my reading. Read through all of the allotments the tribes received from capturing the land in Joshua 16-20. Something I read and made a note on in my bible years ago was the allotment given to Joshua only after most of the tribes received theirs (Jos. 19:49-51). My note was simple, “Delayed Gratification.” Nothing fancy but very intentional. So often I minister with the immediate results in mind. Are results even important? How does one objectively quantify results anyways? I think we sow seed now to see the plan later. Now the plant may encounter weeds in the process but the plant still grows. Joshua made sure (maybe this was custom?) that his allotment came after everybody else. Jim Collins, in his book Good to Great, identifies Level 5 executives (Those leaders who are able to lead the company to the next level) as those who, “builds enduring greatness through a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will” (p. 20). For Joshua, it was about confronting the brutal facts (conquering the land, delegating the land) but it was also about working hard behind the scenes. A unique blend of humility with an insatiable desire to do what he was called to do. Powerful!

What if we approached youth ministry like this? Perhaps we would look like Joshua! Perhaps we would like Jesus.

Youth Ministry is Sexy (Part 3) – It’s a good thing

Please read the first and second posts in this series to get a grasp of what this series is all about. This is the last installment in the series and I would like to offer some positive things that have come from youth ministry being so popular. These are in no particular order:

  • RESOURCES: No longer do you have to wait for the latest YS or GROUP book to come in the mail but we have blogs, online resources and other ways to improve our ministries at the tip of our fingers. This is due to technology but also the vast number of youth ministers who have come bearing God’s gifts to network and spread what God has done with their ministries.
  • CAMARADERIE: It’s good to have fellow travelers on the road in ministry. I can share my victories and struggles with so many other men and women who have worked longer than I have and can be a source of encouragement for me.
  • KINGDOM ADVANCEMENT: I love what other guys are doing and I an so glad youth groups are in their care. Look, God’s kingdom is going to advance whether I am in or not but it is with the help of so many men and women who are dedicated in what God has called them to do.
  • LIVES ARE CHANGED: I have been able to be a part of a few students whose lives have been changed but little do they know how my life has changed because of them. I don’t mean “changed” in a warm fuzzy way but in a serious, never-be-the-same kind of way.
  • IT KEEPS ME ON TOP OF MY GAME: YM is not a game but knowing that I am replaceable (easily, I might add) keeps me on my toes. When I interviewed for this job in 2004 I was told there were 20 or so resumes that were submitted. That number would probably quadruple now if the position were to come open. I am not so prideful to think I am the only one who can do youth ministry here but I also understand that this is a good thing. For whatever reason, if I were to leave, God would bring the next guy in and his kingdom would advance. That’s not a bad thing at all!

I hope these posts have helped as it has been a journey for me to blog on this series.